A MERE MAN 


BY 

EDITH PALMER PAINTON 




PRICE 15 CENTS 



Eldridge Entertainment House 

Franklin, Ohio 



TWO PLAYS FOR BOYS 

By SEYMOUR S. TIBBALS. 

Mr. Tibbals has been unusually successful in fur- 
nishkig boys' plays that introduce characters true to 
life. ' While the plays are strong and forceful in the 
lessons they teach, clean comedy predominates and 
the boys like them. 

**The Millionaire Janitor*' 

A comedy in two acts. Here is a rollicking play 
for eight or more boys with plenty of action. Just 
the thing for a Boys' Class or Junior Y. M. C. A. 
Easily staged and costumed. Opportunity for intro- 
duction of musical numbers and recitations. By in- 
troducing such features the play may be used for 
ing's entertainment. 

Price 25 Cents 



"Up Caesar's Creek" 

A splendid play for any number of boys. The 
characters are real boys and the play deals with their 
experiences while camping up Caesar's Creek the per- 
formance closing with a minstrel show in camp. Cos- 
tumes and scenery are not elaborate and the play may 
be produced on any stage. 

Price 25 Cents 

These comedies are protected by copyright, but 
permission for amateur production is granted with 
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ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINIVIMT HOUSE 

Franklin, Ohio 



A MERE MAN 



A Study in Feminine Color 



By EDITH PALMER PAINTON. 



Copyright, 1915, Eldridge Entertainment House 



PUBLISHED BY 

Eldridge Entertainment House, 

FRANKLIN. OHIO 






CHARACTERS 

Mrs. Green, A Widbw. 

Mrs. Bessie Brown» A Bride, Her Daughter. 

Grace Green, Her Youngest Daughter. 

Elizabeth White, A School Teacher. 

Mrs. Pamela Black, A Divorcee.. 

Dr. Gray. 



ir^CI.D 4259a 
DEC 20 hJi:) 



A MERE MAN 



{Scene: A Parlor. Lounge at back, two or three 
easy chairs. A desk, stand or table at Left. ) 

(Mrs. Green sits at desk, writing many notes. Bes- 
sie, wearing wraps, sits on lounge, looking very dis- 
consolate. Grace sits in chair, tvith embroidery work, 
listening very intently, while Mrs. Green talks between 
her writing, a constant string of impatience. Must 
show her annoyance in every word she writes, in the 
energy with which she folds notes and stuffs them in 
envelopes, seals, etc. Desk faces girls so she looks at 
them tvhenever making a point. ) 

Mrs Green It's certainly too bad, Bessie, and Fm 
sorry, of course, that it has had to turn out this way 
so soon ; but— (Pauses, sighs, resumes writing) 

Bessie {p)rotesting) Mamma! 

Mrs Green You know you just would get married. 
Wouldn't she, Grace? {Grace nods) Nothing that I, 
nor your Aunt Elizabeth, nor your Cousin Pamela, nor 
—nor— any other woman of experience, could say 
about the darkness and difficulties of a matrimonial 
career would have the slightest effect upon you. Am 
I not speaking the truth, Bessie? (Bessie sobs aloud) 
Bessie, I insist that you answer me. 

Bessie {faintly) Yes, Mamma.' 

Mrs Green We had educated you, hadn't wel {Bes- 
sie nods sadly) We had given you the benefit of our 
experience, had we not, over and over again? {Pause. 
Bessie sobs. Mrs Green, writing rapidly, with lips 
compressed. She pauses, looks up, and speaks sternly) 
Answer me, Bessie. Had we not? 

Bessie Yes — {sob) — Mamma ? 

Mrs Green (complacently) Then I can't feel that 
I am in any way to blame, can I, Bessie? (Pause. 
Bessie sobs) Bessie, why don't you speak? You put 
me all out of patience. Can I? 



4 A Mere Man 

Bessie (in choked voice) No, mamma. 

Mrs Green iivith satisfaction) That's what I 
thought about it; but, of course, a mother can never 
be sure how her daughter is going to think about it. 
She may bring her up, teach her, train, tell her every 
step of the way she should go; then, when she gets 
able to walk alone, as she thinks— {Pauses tcith elo- 
quent gesture) 

Grace (giggles) Away she'll go I 

Mrs Green Grace, such a remark is altogether un- 
called for from you. Here is your poor sister, strug- 
gling with her tears, wounded by the cruelties and 
densities of a mere man, and you— who, I hope, are 
taking a good clear warning from this pitiful living 
example before your eyes,— what do you do? Why, 
you sit and make jokes. You laugh. Shame on you I 
{resumes ivriting) 

Grace But mammal {no ansiver) Mamma! {no 
answer) Wonder if she wants me to cry, too! {Bes- 
sie tosses head, but Mrs Green does not look u]}) I do 
wish you would get through with that writing some 
time. Mamma! 

Mrs Green Well— {looks up impatiently) What is 
' it? These invitations are important. They must, go 
out tonight. What did you want to say? 

Grace What I want to know is, what has Dick 
done? 

Mrs Green If you are speaking of Richard Brown, 
Grace, the unprincipled young apology for a man, 
who has so grossly deceived and mistreated the wo- 
man he married and swore to love, honor and protect 
— {Bessie rises, paces floor o.t hack sadly) 

Grace Yes, yes. Mamma— don't waste any more 
breath. I was speaking of Dick. 

Mrs Green Richard sounds more becoming, {try- 
ing to turite) 

Grace {giggles) Same old Dick. 

Mrs Green {still trying to ivrite) Richard sounds 
better I say. 



A Mere Man 5 

Grace I prefer Dick myself. 

Mrs Green (looks up and gestures tuith pen impa- 
tiently) I insist upon Richard, do you understand? 
(looks fixedly at her a moment, and resumes ivork) 

Bessie (stops behind Grace^s chair and leans over 
it) Grace! Grace! what does it matter? Do let 
Mamma have her own way. 

G^^ace (giggles) Let her?--Humph! 

Bessie Grace, don't! 

Grace Don't let her? Well wasn't that what I 
was trying? But pshaw! Could anybody on earth 
keep her from it? 

Bessie But you know, Grace— 

Grace (looks up roguishly) Did anybody ever? 

Bessie Why— why — not as I know of. 

Grace (giggles) Nor anybody else. (Mrs Green 
looks up at the laugh) What I want to know, Mamma 
is this, as I said before, or tried to — what has Richard 
done? (Bessie resumes ivalk, hands clasped behind 
back, looking down) 

Mrs Green Done? Done? You can ask that? 
When you see her here in tears, the bride of only a 
month, her eyes red and unsightly from weeping, her 
cheeks robbed of their beauty, her lips bereft of their 
bloom, do I need to ask what he has done? Have I 
not eyes? Can I not see? (resumes writing) 

Bessie (pauses by Grace again) Honest, Grace, 
do I look as bad as that? 

Grace I should worry. 

Bessie Why, I must be a regular fright. 

G^'ace (teasingly) It's a wonder that Dick — 

Mrs Green (looking up suddenly) Richard! 

G^^ace (in confusion) Yes, I mean Richard. 

Bessie What were you going say about Dick? 
(Mrs Gh'-een looks at her sternly, she pauses, bites lip, 
and corrects herself) Richard? 



6 A Mere Man 

Grace I— I— {catching Mrs Green'' s eye and hesita- 
ting) Why, I forgot. Nothing much. 

Mrs Green There's nothing much that can be said 
about him. {resumes work) 

Bessie {lualks protestingly to front of desk, speaks 
pleadingly) But, Mamma— 

Mrs Green {ivrites busily for a moment, then looks 
up) Or, for that matter, about any other mere man. 
But my skirts are clear. I told you so. I can only 
hope, Grace, that you, at least will be able to profit 
by this heart-rending example of a young husband's 
depravity. 

Bessie {luincing at the ivord) Depravity! Oh! 
{turns to Grace) 

Grace Depravity! Ah! 

Mrs Green Depravity's the word, first, last, and 
all the time for a mere man. Your father wasn't 
exactly what might be called the very worst man in 
the world, I don't suppose; but if he was within a 
thousand miles of the best, Heaven save us from the 
rest! {resumes luriting) 

Bessie Why, Mamma! 

Grace Isn't it awful? 

Mrs Gh^een {after busy pause) Of course he's dead 
now, poor man. And I know what it is to go through 
the fiery furnace, and not— not— well, not be burned 
entirely to ashes. But I feel there's still the smell of 
fire on my garments, and that there always will be. 
If I had only lived up to my ambitions, and been an 
out-and-out old maid like your Aunt Elizabeth. But— 

Grace Where would we have been, Mamma? 

Mrs Green {sternly) Grace! Such questions are 
anything but becoming in a girl of your age. 

Bessie But — Mamma! 

Mrs Green At any rate, your poor sister here 
would not have been the victim of a male creature's 
depravity. 

Grace Depravity's a big word. 



A Mere Man 7 

Mrs Green It just fits Richard Brown— and every 
other of his sex. Dear me! When I stop to look back 
over our family history, it just seems to me that the 
Green's have had more than their share of trouble in 
the matrimonial line. Poor Pamela Black was a Green, 
you know, and so was Elizabeth White's mother. 
And see what they both had to undergo, poor things. 
Why their stories would fill six volume novels, and be 
the sensation of the year. But thank goodness! 
Elizabeth herself is wise enough to steer clear of any- 
thing and everything in the shape of a mere man, 
just as poor Pamela wishes she had. {resumes writing) 

Bessie Aren't you nearly through with those notes, 
Mamma? (lualks to desk) 

Mrs Green {writing rapidly, ivithoiit looking up) 
Why, I don't know. Why? Anything special? 

Bessie No— only — 

Mrs Green {after busy pause, looking up) Only 
what? 

Bessie {retreats to lounge and sits heavily) I don't 
know what to do, that's all. 

Mrs Green Do? Why stay right where you are, 
that's all. 

Grace On that lounge? 

Mrs Green What else is there for you to do but to 
stay with the mother who brought you up? Do you 
think I'd let you go back to such a creature? What 
is he anyway, but— 

All A mere man! 

{Pamela Black enters right) 

Pamela Nobody home? Oh, here you are! 

All Pamela Black! {Mrs Gi^een and Grace rise to 
greet her) 

Pamela Sure enough. How are you all? Why, 
Bessie Brown, what are you doing here? {goes to her, 
greeting her heartily) 

Grace {giggles) Crying. 



8 A Mere Man 

Pamela Crying? (takes Bessie's face bettueen hands) 
Why, so she has been, bless her poor dear little soul. 
I might have guessed it, though. Hasn't she been 
married a whole month? What else could you expect? 
(throivs arms around Mrs Green as she rises from 
Bessie) How are you, dear Cousin Lucinda? 

Mrs Green (tvith her hands on Pamela'' s shotdders) 
In excellent health of body, Pamela— excellent! But 
ever since that poor child came home, and I saw in her 
eyes the sorrow that was threatening to overwhelm 
her, I must admit that my health of mind has not 
been of the best. I expected it, of course— 

Pamela Didn't we all? didn't we all? I hope 
this will be a good warning to you, Grace. 

Grace It certainly ought to be, the way everybody 
hammers it in, but I can't find out what has happened. 

Pamela Happened? What difference can it possibly 
make what has happened? The main thing is that 
the inevitable "It" has happened. It's enough for 
us to behold the results. (Sits sofa, gushingly) Poor 
Bessie! Poor little woman who just simply had t® 
learn her lesson for herself. 

Bessie But, Pamela, you see— 

Pamela Yes, dear, I see — what I wish I didn't see. 

Mrs Green (sits near lounge) But I can't see that 
there is anything or anybody to blame but herself, 
Pamela. We all warned her 

Pamela Indeed w^e did! And we all gave her the 
whole history of our own terrible mistakes and fail- 
ures, to keep her from making a worse one- 
Mrs Green Indeed we did! 

Pamela What will Elizabeth say? 

Grace Why, she'll say, just like all the rest of the 
family, '1 told you so!" 

Mrs Green (rejwovingly) Grace! Grace! 

Grace (insistently) Won't she? 

Mrs Gh^een Why — er — er — probably, but — 

Gi^ace (luisely) I told you so! 



• A Mere Man 9 

Pamela Where is Elizabeth, anyway? Isn't she 
boarding with you now? 

Grace Of course. We couldn't keep house with- 
out Aunt Elizabeth's advice! But her school doesn't 
close, you see, until three-thirty, and she usually has 
a lot of visiting to do with the rest of the school- 
teachers, and then there's always bushels of papers 
for her to look over, and her lessons to look up for 
the next day. 

Bessie She's a very busy woman. 

Mrs Green A very useful woman. She's just the 
kind I always wanted Bessie to be. 

Bessie {mournfully) I wasn't meant for it. Mam- 
ma. 

Pamela (caressing her) What were you meant for 
child? (touches eyes) This? 

Bessie I— I— I — I suppose so. 

Mrs Green Anyhow, you can see for yourself that 
it's what she has got. 

Pamela Poor child. If I had that Richard Brown 
by the neck, rd-I'd-I'd— 

Gh^ace (giggles) Squeeze him? 

Mrs Green Grace! 

Pamela I'd twist it for him. I'd certainly put 
him out of business for one while. 

Mrs Gi^een It doesn't take much to put a mere 
man out of business. 

Grace But, Pamela do you know a thing about 
what poor Richard has done? 

Mrs Green ) (with tuithering emphasis) Poor 
Pamela ) Richard! 

Grace Well, rich Richard, bad Richard, wicked 
Richard, naughty, naughty, naughty Richard— any 
kind of Richard you like him to be, if you please, if 
you'll only some of you tell me something about what 
terrible, awfully unpardonable sin he^has committed 
to make Bessie take on like this? 



10 A Mere Man • 

M7^s Green The idea! 

Pamela Can't you see? 

Grace Nothing but Bessie's crying— none of the 
whys and wherefores thereof! I'm only an ignorant 
young girl, you know, Mamma, and i— I— I might 
follow in my sister's foot-steps if you didn't instruct 
me better. And wouldn't that be awful to relate? 

Pamela Grace, if you dare! 

Grace I don't dare! That's why I am asking 
these things of you who know! What — has — Richard 
done? 

Pamela Never mind, Grace, what Richard has 
done! I don't know, myself, and I don't want to 
know. It's enough for me to see your poor sister in 
the condition she is in without going into any of the 
"behind the scene" rehearsals! I see results — effects! 
Why bother about causes? 

Grace Because causes can sometimes be removed! 

Pamela Then remove Richard! 

Grace {In pretended horror) Kill him? 

Pamela Why, no, not exactly. Do as I did with 
Henry Black! Divorce him! 
Grace {Greatly relieved) Oh! 

Bessie But divorce proceedings are so horrible, 
Pamela! 

Pamela Matrimonial proceedings are worse! Girls, 
listen to me! {Grace and Bessie sit by her on sofa- 
she betiveen them) You go back to your writing, 
Lucinda — I know you're dying to. {Mrs. Green re- 
turns to desk) I want to talk to these girls like a 
Dutch uncle. Now, Bessie, I am quite sure that you 
will be able to understand everything I say. As for 
Grace, — well, you must just take it all on trust, dearie, 
and may Heaven send that you may never know by 
experience what I have had to learn that bitter way. 
Never get married, my child, — never, if you live to 
be a hundred years old. -Live your own life in your 



A Mere Man 11 

own way, and never, never, never give one thought 
to any mere man! 

Grace But, Pamela 

Pamela Yes! 

Grace Would you have me an old maid? 

Pamela I would have you — just that! 

Grace Like Aunt Elizabeth? 

Pamela Why not? 

Grace She's— she's— I don't know! 

Bessie Just what everybody else says about her! 

Mrs. Green {Looking iiiJ from her loriting) She's 
a brave, strong, noble, independent woman, that's 
what she is! And if you girls only turn out as well — 
I mean you, of course, Grace, for Bessie is already 
besond all hope 

Bessie Poor me! 

Mrs. Gi''een I shall certainly be proud of you. 

Bessie But go on with your story, Pamela. I'm 
very much interested. 

Grace Me, too! I'm hoping I may find out some- 
thing about what Dick— I mean Richard— has been 
doing! 

Mrs. Green Grace! 

Grace Never said it, Mamma! Never even thought 
it. 

Bessie Do hurry on, Pamela. 

Pamela yes, my story! I mean, rather, my 
lesson — for that's what I trust it will be to you. Well, 
girls, once — not more than fifty years ago, though I 
declare it seems a hundred! — I was a young and 
happy girl, as ignorant and innocent, and folks said, 
as pretty and graceful as either of you! 

Girls my! {Protesting tone) 

Bessie As if you weren't perfectly lovely all the 
time! 

Pamela I hoped to be an actress, or an opera 
singer, or a — a — a— something like that — 



12 A Mere Man 

Grace (Enthusiastically) A chorus girl? 

Pamela Well, no, not that, of course, but some- 
thing before the public, you know, in the way of 
singing or speaking. I never expected to be crushed 
and fairly ground beneath the heel of a mere nianl 

Mrs. Green {Looking up from writing) I should 
hope not! Neither did any of us expect it of you! 

Pamela But it happened — even to me. I lost my 
beauty — 

Ch^ace Never! 

Pamela yes, I did. 

Bessie Did you advertise? 

Pamela What? 

Bessie I — I — I beg your pardon, Pamela. I guess 
— I — wasn^t noticing just what you said. You lost 
something, you said. 

Pamela I certainly did, I lost also my energy and 
ambition, I lost all my charm, I lost even hope. Be- 
hold me now, a mere wreck of what "might once have 
been a happy woman, (weeps) . 

Bessie don't cry, Pamela. Don't cry. You'll 
soil your pretty dress. Besides, you are free now, 
and — 

Pamela (Jumps up impetuously) Yes, free! free! 
free! And if every girl would take my advice, every 
woman would be forever free from the toils of any 
mere man. (walks up and down .in excitement) 

Bessie But how do you live, Pamela? You don't 
teach you don't preach— you have to have money. 
How do you — 

Pamela (Pauses to ivave hand grandly) Alimony, 
my dear girl. Alimony. It's the only way in the 
world to get even with the wretches. A hundred- 
and-twenty-five a month, and the home for mine. 
That isn't so bad, you see. 

Grace But, Pamela, would you— even you— actual- 
ly condescend to accept money for your support from 
a mere man. 



A Mere Man 13 

Pamela Why not? He owes it to me. It doesn't 
half begin to pay for my wounded feelings, my broken 
heart, my blasted hopes, my ruined dreams, and my 
wasted life, (drops to sofa weeping). 

Mrs. Green (Rising) the cruelties and brutal- 
ities to be laid at the door of — 

All (Rising indignantly) A mere man. 

(Elizabeth White enters right. Pamela sinks upon 
sofa again. The others advance to greet Elizabeth) 

Elizabeth (Removing hat, jacket, gloves, etc) Now, 
what's the matter with Pamela? 

Grace Same old story. 

Elizabeth (In surprise, over shoulder, hanging 
wraps on hook) What? Does she have to have it, 
too? 

Mrs. Green Have what? 

Elizabeth (Coming back to group)) Vaccination. 

All (In consternation) Vaccination? 

Elizabeth Yes. It's one of the things that made 
me late tonight. First, I sent Johnnie Jones to the 
post office with a letter, and he got lost in some of 
the halls, and couldn't find the right door out, and 
we had no end of trouble over that. 

Grace Were the electric lights on? 

Elizabeth Don't mention them. The school-teachers 
turned out in a body to find him. Well, then the 
board had a meeting and decided that no teacher 
could hold their place any longer unless she was im- 
mediately vaccinated. I phoned to Dr. Russell. He was 
out of town, the office girl said, and wouldn't be 
home for three weeks. He had left a stranger — a 
Dr. Grey — in charge of his affairs. Dear me. What 
could I do? (sinks ivearily into chair). 

Mrs. Green Hideous. 

Grace Horrible. 

Pamela Of course it was. 

Bessie What did you do. Aunt Elizabeth? 



14 A Mere Man 

Elizabeth Why, hello, Bessie. You here, too? I 
was so excited, I declare I hadn't noticed you. What's 
gone wrong? 

Bessie {Coyifiised) n-n-nothing. 

All {Emphatically) Nothing? 

Bessie well,— nothing much. 

Elizabeth {Eying her insistently) But what? 

Bessie Just— er— Dick. 

Elizabeth {Sniffs) Humph! Same as nothing. 

Pamela Of course. 

Elizabeth But— I told you so. 

Grace {Triumphantly to others) I told you so. 

Elizabeth Every mere man can be absolutely de- 
pended upon . to go wrong sooner or later. Usually 
sooner. 

All Sure. 

Grace But I don't know what he's done. 

Elizabeth Neither do I. What does that matter? 
He's bound to go wrong, whatever he does. It's the 
nature of a mere man. 

Bessie But do go on with your story, Aunt Eliza- 
beth. , 

Elizabeth yes, my story. Well, of course, there 
was nothing else for me to do. I had to call for this 
Dr. Gray. 

Pamela {Eagerly) What was he like? 

Grace Is he old or young? 

Mrs. Green Married or single? 

Elizabeth Don't ask me. He wasn't in. Besides, 
how was I concerned about the outside or the inside 
of any mere man. 

Mrs. Green Where was he? 

Elizabeth He had a case in the country, and 
wouldn't be in for an hour. 

Bessie What did you do? 

Elizabeth Why, the next best thing, of course. I 



A Mere Man 15 

left my name and address, with instructions for him 
to call here at once upon his return. 

All (Each fixing belt, ribbons, hair, etc.) Here? 

Elizabeth Of course. Where else? It's very humil- 
iating, I am sure, to have to be under obligations of 
any kind to a mere man, but if one must — why just 
get it over with in the quickest and easiest way pos- 
sible. 

All Of course. 

Pamela (Examining face in hand-mirror, powders 
nose, arranges hair, etc.) How soon do you think he 
will be here, Elizabeth? 

Elizabeth I'm sure I don't know. It's time for 
him now, but one can never depend for one minute 
upon any move of a mere man. 

Ch^ace (Looking over Pam's shoulder into the mir- 
ror, straightening hair, etc.) I wonder if he has an 
automobile. 

Elizabeth Trust the creature to look out for his 
own comfort— if he runs over the rest of the town. 

Mrs. Green (Has been making frantic ejforts to see 
over Pam's shoulder, ivithout success. Gets nervous) 
Do let me take that glass a minute, Pamela. (Primps 
before it) I wonder how old he is. 

Bessie (Smiling at the eagerness of the others with 
a do7i't-care air of one ivho is ' 'settled^ ^ in life) I 
wonder if he's going to be here permanently. 

Pamela I wonder if he is married. 

Grace Or wants to be. 

Elizabeth (Rising) Well, all I wonder is, whether 
or not he knows his business. It would be the big- 
gest wonder of all if he did. The man of it. Dear 
me. (Looks around to see if the glass is in use. Sees 
Mi's. Green still occupied luith it, and feels hair ner- 
vously) I w^onder how my hair looks? 

Mrs. Green Fine. 

Elizabeth ( Whirling around for inspection) Would 
you change your dress? 



16 A Mere Man 

Pamela No. 

Bessie You look lovely, Aunt Elizabeth. Fm sure 
he'll be captivated. 

Elizabeth Humph! No mere man for Elizabeth 
White. 

Bessie I did not say that you would be captivated, 
Auntie. I know you are altogether too superior to 
those things. But he— how could the hardest, very 
strongest kind of a mere man be proof against your 
womanly fascinations. Not this Dr. Gray, Pll war- 
rant. 

Elizabeth (Flattered) Nonsense, child. You talk 
like a baby. [sits. ) 

1 amela More like a bride. 

Mrs. Green Don't tease her, girls. She can't help 
it now. We warned her all we could before she got 
into the matrimonial harness. There's nothing left 
for us to do now, but help her make the most of a 
bad bargain. If she had only been such a woman as 
you, Elizabeth. 

All Yes. 

Grace But what has Richard been doing to her, 
that's what I want to know. 

All {Shaking ivarning finger at Grace) Hush. 

Elizabeth What's this doctor going to do to me, 
that's what I want to know. dear, to think I would 
have to submit to having one of the creatures near 
me, after all these years. 

Mrs. Green Where are you going to have it done? 

Elizabeth {innocently) Why, right here in the 
house, of course. {Rising) 

Mrs. Green No, no! On what part of your body? 

Elizabeth dear. I hadn't thought of that. 
{turns hand over, hesitating, in great ernbarrassment) 
Would my wrist do, I wonder? 

Pamela mercy, no. Away up on your arm. 

Elizabeth {Shocked, rii'ns hand np arm) my. 
Must I? I never can. I'll faint. I'll scream. I'll 



A Mere Man 17 

blush away down to my toe-nails! I'll never get over 
it. ril never dare look anybody in the face again. 
It's awful! awful! (Sinks to §ofa, overcome with 
emotion). 

Pamela Cheer up, Elizabeth, the worst is yet to 
come. 

Mrs, Green Don't let him know you care. Re- 
member, after all, he's just — 

All (Scornfully) A mere man. 

(Dr. Gray enters L. All rise in surprise) 

Dr. Gray ( Uncertainly) The maid told me that 
I was expected. 

M?^s. Greeji Expected. 

Dr. Gn^ay Yes, and that I should come right in. 

Mrs. Green There must be some mistake, madam. 
I expected no one — that is no lady. You must have 
the wrong house. 

Dr. Gray No, I am sure I am right. A lady— a 
school-teacher, I believe— -'phoned for me to come 
here. 

Pamela You, Elizabeth? Why, what — 

Dr. Gray (Consults note book) A case of vaccina- 
tion, I think. 

All (In disappointed surprise) Ah! 

Elizabeth Then you are— 

Dr. Gray Dr. Gray. 

All Dr. Gray. 

Dr Gray (bowing low) At your service, ladies. 

Grace You must excuse us, doctor. We were sur- 
prised to see you. We thought you were— or would 
be— I mean— . 

All A man! 

Dr Gray I see. 

Mrs Green Won't you sit down? 

Dr Gray Are you Miss White? 



18 A Mere Man 

Mrs Green No, I am Mrs. Green, {shakes hands, 
presents Bessie) And this is my daughter, Bessie. 

Dr Gray {offer» hand) Pleased to meet you, Miss 
Green. 

Bessie No, my name is Brown, {presents Grace) 
And this is my sister, Grace. 

Dr Gray {offers hand) Pleased to meet you, Miss 
Brown. 

Grace No, my name is Green— just like Mamma's. 
{presents Pamela) And this is my cousin, Pamela. 

Dr Gray {offers hand) Pleased to meet you, Miss 
Green. 

Pamela No, I am Mrs. Black. And this is my 
cousin, Elizabeth. 

Dr Gh^ay {offers hand) Glad to know you, too, 
Miss Black. 

Elizabeth No, I am Miss White, your patient. 

Dr Gray I see, I see. Quite a study in color. 

Elizabeth {offers chair) Do sit down I 

Dr Gray {sits) I hope you are not too much dis- 
appointed that I am not a man. 

All {in vigorous protest) nol 

Dr Gray I am Dr. Russell's niece, you see, and 
when he was called away, he sent for me to take care 
of his practice while he was out of town. I am sorry 
if— 

Mrs Green You needn't be. Dr. Gray. We have 
no use whatever for mere men in this establishment. 
I, fortunately, am a widow; my sister here. Miss 
White, whom you have called to— to— to operate on, 
is a— a— a— well, a spinster,— from choice, you un- 
derstand, quite altogether from choice. 

Grace {aside to Bessie) Whose choice, I wonder? 

Mrs Green My cousin, Mrs. Black, is a— a— a— 
well, a separated woman,— a legal widow as you 
might say, and my daughter, Mrs. Brown ought to be. 
So you see, we are more than delighted to learn that 



A Mere Man 19 

we have not called upon the assistance of any mem- 
ber of the despised sex. 

Dr Gray Well, that's fortunate for me, Fm sure. 
I find so many objecting to my practice of my profes- 
sion because of my petticoats, that I am certainly 
glad to find some supporters. Now if you'll just turn 
on the electric lights — (jnses, looking around for light^ 

Bessie Don't mention them! 

Dr Gray Well, perhaps we had better keep it dark. 
I'll get busy. But tell me first why you all have such 
a decided aversion for men. 

Pamela {as Dr Gray looks at her) My life is 
ruined, {weeps) 

Mrs Green {as Dr Gray turns to her) And mine 
came close to the very brink of despair before I was 
left to this present glorious state of freedom. 

Elizabeth {as Dr Gray turns to her) I have al- 
ways steered clear of the masculine sex. They have 
no attractions for me. I have no attractions for them. 

Dr Gray {looking her over significantly, smiling 
wisely) I see. {turns to Grace) And why don't 
you like the men? 

Grace Because Mamma won't let me. 

Mrs Gh^een {arm around Bessie leads her drooping 
to Dr Qi^ay) And now, even today, to complete my 
misery, my daughter— my first one, you know, only a 
month married, mind you; — has come home to me in 
tears. Abuse and neglect of that peculiar kind known 
only to males, has driven her back to the shelter of 
her childhood's home, and back to the comforting 
tenderness of the maternal bosom, {draivs Bessie's 
head to her shoidder, Bessie weeps) 

Dr Gray What had happened? 

Grace That's what I'd Hke to know. {Mrs Green 
leads Bessie to sofa) 

Dr Gray {looking from one to another) Can it 
not be straightened ? 



20 A Mere Man 

Pamela Who can ever straighten out matrimonial 
tangles? 

i)r Gray (crosses to Bessie at sofa) My poor little 
lady, I am indeed sorry for you. Maybe I can pre- 
scribe for that broken heart, too. You are too young, 
both in years and in experience, to be so unhappy. 
Won't you tell me what is wrong? Perhaps I have 
some medicine somewhere about me that will cure 
you. 

Bessie Why, I don't mind telling you. Are you 
married? 

Dr Gray Yes— several years. 

All What? 

Bessie And yet you don't hate the men? 

Dr Gray Certainly not. Why should I? My hus- 
band and I are the best of comrades. I took up the 
study of medicine so that we could work together, 
you know, and w^e are on the same staff at the Pres- 
byterian hospital. Just believe me, little woman I 
know all about married life. Fve seen every phase 
and form of it. You can trust me. 

Bessie Well, this morning, at breakfast, — (hesi- 
tates)— did you see the morning papers^ 

Dr Q)^ay Certainly. 

Bessie did you? And did you read all those 
wonderful bargains at Jones? 

Dr Gray (smiling) I don't remember. I'm not 
much interested in bargains, myself. 

All You aren't? 

Dr Gray No, indeed. I never want to get any- 
thing cheap — not even a husband. But go on. 

Bessie Well, at breakfast this morning, Dick— he's 
my husband, you know— (Z)?' Gray ?io3s)— well, he 
was reading the paper at breakfast this morning, and 
I could read all about those bargains on the back of 
his sheet, and— and — 

Dr Gray Yes. 



A Mere Mem 21 

Bessie Well, of course I was iust wild to get 
hold of it. 

Grace Of course. 

Bessie Of course, I didn't say a word. But I- 1 — 
J just kept looking and waiting for him to lay it 
down. They were perfectly fascinating— some of the 
things they advertised— handkerchiefs, shirt waists, 
silk stockings, and— and — other things, you know. 

Dr Gray Yes, yes. Go on. 

Bessie Well, after he finished breakfast, he just 
folded that paper right up, mind you and put it in his 
overcoat pocket. 

All (shocked) Oh! 

Bessie And took it down town with him, advertis- 
ing page and all. 

Pamela The heartless wretch. 

Elizabeth Brute. 

Mrs Green Unfeeling creature. 

Bessie I cried, and I cried, and I cried, and I cried, 
and I cried. And then I just made up my mind to 
come straight home to Mamma. She never hid the 
papers away from me. She never carried them away 
from the house all folded up in her pocket. She 
never — 

Mrs Green (throiuing arm around her) Of course 
not. When she wanted to read the papers, she could 
just read the papers, so she could. 

Pamela Bless her heart. 

Dr Gray {puzzled) But is that all? 

All {astonished that she could ask for more) All? 

Dr Gray Yes. Just this? Is there no other com- 
plaint? 

Bessie no. He's always been just perfectly 
lovely to me, every other way. 

Dr Gray Then, my dear, if I were you, I certainly 
would forgive him, and go right straight home. 

All Home? 



22 A Mere Man 

Dr Gh^ay Certainly. 

Bessie Back to Dick? 

Dr Ch''ay Yes. And I'd hurry, too, so to have 
supper all ready for him before he gets there. 

All (stepping forward) But— (Dr Gray stops them, 
with wave of hand) 

Dr Gray Listen. How could he know that you 
would care to read the old dry stuff— er—er — I mean, 
of course, the charming advertisements— unless you 
told him? 

Bessie (thoughtfully) Why, that's so. But I'd 
let him read it anyway, whether he wanted to or not. 

Dr Gh^ay But men are a little different from women 
in some things. 

Elizabeth Should say so. 

Pamela (iiodding at Elizabeth) I found it so. 

Mrs Green And, true enough, what could you ex- 
pect from — 

All A mere man. 

Grace (in disappointed voice) Are you sure that 
this was all that happened, Bessie? 

Bessie Wasn't that enough? 

Grace Fudge. Wasn't there even a quarrel, or a 
swear-word, or a fuss of any kind? (Bessie shakes 
head) From the way everybody acted, I supposed 
you had been dragged around the room by the hair of 
your head, and beaten black and blue. 

Pamela (sentimentally shaking head) There are 
wounds to the soul far more cruel than an injury to 
the mere flesh. 

Elizabeth Why didn't you ask him for the paper, 
Bessie? 

Mrs Green Or else take it away from him? 

Bessie I — I — I was afraid. 

Pamela (sharply) Of what, pray? 

Bessie He might laugh. 

Pamela Bosh ! 



A Mere Man 23 

Elizabeth It was certainly foolish of you, Bessie, 
to say the least. If I were ever to be married — which 
may Heaven and my good sense forbid — I would still 
have my own way. I would be bossed and overpow- 
ered by no mere man. 

Bessie But I — I Pm different. I — I— I guess Fd 
better go home, (looks at each in turn, much fright- 
ened, scarcely daring to speak) 

Dr'Gray {arm around her) ^ That's splendid, Mrs. 
Brown. I think so, too. {others look at one another, 
shrugging shoulders and raising eyebrows, shaking 
heads) 

Grace And so do I, Bessie, if that's all the sense 
you've got. And as for me, this "tempest" has been 
really "much ado about nothing" and I've made up 
my mind that I shall certainly marry when I find the 
right fellow, — 

All {shocked) Grace! 

Grace Even if I do have to be the wife of — 

All (holding up hands in horror) A mere man! 

CURTAIN. 



WE ARE SPECIAUSTS IN 

Amateur Entertainments 

It is not a side line with us, but we 
devote our entire time to that b«siness 



Realizing that many people have grown 
weary of searching through catalogs and read- 
ing entertainments only to discard them as 
unavailable we appreciate the fact that our cus- 
tomers have often spoken of us as **the house 
that helps." We have had practical exper- 
ience in selecting and producing amateur en- 
tertainments and we feel that we know what 
will please the public, and what can be pro- 
duced under certain conditions. Our experience is 
at your disposal. Write us, giving full particulars 
of your special need in the way of an enter- 
tainment, and we will select a play, an oper- 
etta, a drill or even an entire program for you. 
But always enclose a stamp for the reply. 

Remember, that in addition to our entertain- 
ments we carry a large line of publications of 
other dealers. If in doubt as to the entertain- 
ment you desire, send particulars and we 
will suggest something to fit. 
Vv'^e are at your service. 

ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE 

Franklin, Ohio 



A HIT ON YOUR NEXT PROGRAM ! 

Something Out of The Ordinary 
In High-Glass Humorous Songs. 



MUSICAL SKETCHES FOR YOUNG LADIES 

By Harry C. Eldridge 

These fill an urgent need in supplying 
musical numbers with action, for any secular 
program, for girls or ladies of any age. Clever 
words and singable music combined to make 
novel numbers for your entertainment. 

THE HAT OF OTHER DAYS. Everyone knows how 
ridiculous the changing styles make out-of- 
date hats appear. The song is based on this 
fact, and the appearance of these *'hats of 
other days'* will cause loads of merriment. 

"1 CAN'T 00 A THtNG WITH MY HAIR SINCE IT'S WASHED." 
Did you ever hear the above expression ? They 
all say it. This song is for a merry group of 
girls who have trouble in keeping their hair in 
bounds. A jolly song. 

REDUCED TO $1.99. The figures in a dry goods 
show window are indignant at having to par- 
ticipate in so many "reduction sales,'' and, 
revolting, walk off the stage after telling 
their troubles in song. The eccentric motions 
of these figures make a very laughable number. 

THE WfNNINa WAYS OF BRANDMA'S DAYS. Sung in 
costume, this portrays the many welcome and 
pleasing* costumes of ''ye olden times.'' Di- 
rections for minuet included. Very enjoyable. 
Any one of the above sent postpaid on receipt of 25 cents. 

ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE 

Franklin, Ohio 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




HERE Al..»i!-"""»" • 



SOME OF OOR VERY NEW TITLES 



It is always a satisfaction to be the first to 
get hold of new and novel entertainments, 
and here is YOUR chance: 

PLAYS FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS 

Aunt Deborah's First Luncheon 25c 

When Shakespeare Struck The Town 25c 

Ye Tea Party of Ye Olden Time ., 25c 

TWO CLEVER MUSICAL PLAYS FOR CHILDREN 

Under The Sugar Piuni Tree — ^..40c 

In Little Folks Town ~4Dc 

TWO NEW MOCK TRIALS 

Father Time's Christmas Trial 15c 

Will Soakum's fiiatrimonial 8ureau 25c 

THREE SPLENDID BOOKS 

Dramatic Stories, Myths and Legends-.-. | Paper 35c; Boards 50e 

For Children— The Stage or School Room I 

Good Stunts for Commencement Week 50c 

Novelties That Will Enliven This FesUve Occasion 

What to Say For Closing Day 30c 

Good Dialogs. Exercises. Etc. for Closing Day. 
SEND ORDERS TO 

ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE 

Franklin, Ohio 



